Nut Reviews
by TLSoulDude
Summary: Rip-off of Bum Reviews. Deadpool reviews various fics. Today's review: Naruto's Kit. Rated for some crude humor.
1. Chapter 1

Nut Reviews

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Naruladdin by DarkMagicianmon

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"So, there's this kid named Naruto who's a ninja."

"YAY!"

"BUT, he's a street-rat."

"NOT-YAY!"

"He's got these friends—Ben 10, Pikachu, Danny Phantom, and Juniper Lee. DM uses this fic as an excuse to promote the Danny/June pairing."

"SERIOUSLY! Can you have a parody WITHOUT those two? Heck, NO! It wouldn't be a parody without EITHER!"

"It's a bit hypocritical, seeing as TL's doing the same thing in 2010. I know."

"Anyway, Naruto falls in love with the BEAUTIFUL Hinata Hyuga."

"Non-canon Naruto pairing fans, your dreams COME TRUE!"

"But guards catch the foursome and throw them in jail to have their heads chopped off."

"I HAD MY HEAD CHOPPED OFF ONCE! Seriously."

"BUT, there's this EVIL guy called Chase Young and his not-so-evil henchman, Jack Spicer."

"As opposed to Pursue Old and Joe Cooler."

"He lets the street rats go if they promise to bring him a lamp."

"I WAS A LAMP ONCE…only, I quit 'cause people kept tossing me out the window. Ya think it's because I kept peeping on their wives in the shower?"

"Anyway, they FIND this lamp AND a dragon called Dojo…but get trapped forty feet below the sand. They then find out that the lamp contains the genie, Joey Wheeler."

"Y'know, the guy who's all like: HEY, I'm a good duelist and a friend of Yugi Motou! It's almost like my hair ISN'T stupid!"

"Anyway, Naruto wishes that he could become a prince so he could marry Hinata."

"HOORAY!"

"But Hinata thinks he's one of the MANY puffed-up morons who tried hitting on her."

"BOO."

"So, Naruto whisks her away to go into a musical number!"

"Maile Flanagan singing is creepy."

"And Hinata falls in love with him."

"DER!"

"But Chase Young figures out Naruto has the lamp after he tries getting him killed! Jack Spicer STOLE Joey Wheeler's lamp and Chase forced the guy with stupid hair to help him take control of the city of Cartoonopolis!"

"I took over the city once! Though I quickly got over-thrown by the people who kept saying that my laws were 'stupid'."

"I just wanted the ducks to wear LONG pants for a change."

"And he sends Naruto, Pikachu, Ben, Danny, June, and Dojo on a not-so-one-way trip to some snowy wasteland. They burst in when Chase is trying to sexually harass Hinata AND humiliate Kakashi at the same time."

"I tried to sexually harass AND humiliate Kakashi at the same time! Only, Hiashi tried to kill me and it didn't work."

"They try and take Joey's lamp back, but Chase brings in a LARGE army of Heartless and Nobodies! So, the heroes bring in a needlessly large amount of OTHER heroes!"

"Seriously, isn't there a parody from DM that DOESN'T involve a needlessly large amount of other heroes?"

"Anyway, Chase Young wishes himself into being a genie…but Naruto traps him AND Jack Spicer in the lamp, thus winning the day!"

"Hooray for the good guys!"

"And he uses his LAST wish to set Joey free!"

"So, HE can keep going on about how great a duelist he is while doing NOTHING about his hair!"

"So Kakashi changes the law that keeps Hinata from marrying anyone EXCEPT a puffed-up moron to one that makes sure she can marry anyone who ISN'T a puffed-up moron. Naturally, she chooses Naruto."

"NaruHina fans go HOG-WILD!"

"And Joey takes off into the sunset while the two make-out."

"YAY! MAKING-OUT DURING THE HAPPY ENDING! Though, I wish it could happen to me."

"So, this is a great fic. Despite the needless pairing and the needlessly large army of heroes."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I promise I won't use it for needless pairings!"

_With apologies to DarkMagicianmon and fans of Aladdin…and Joey Wheeler._

_Seriously, Naruladdin was okay._


	2. Chapter 2

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

The Little Fictorian by TLSoulDude

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"So, there's this hedgehog/cowboy/Fictorian guy named TLSoulDude."

"Seriously, has TL made a fic that DOESN'T involve himself as a main character?"

"And his friends, Green Goblin from Marvel/DC, Lunatic121, Airnaruto45, Xemnas1992, Fortune Glyph, Ino Yamanaka, Ben Tennyson, and Hellboy."

"Where'd HE get those ideas?"

"And TL's obsessed with the human world. BUT, his sensei's ticked off because he missed a concert!"

"I missed a concert once! Though, I didn't complain, 'cause it was one by William Shatner."

"So, he sends the whiny Mrfipp and the weird D-Dude to keep an eye on the guy. In a musical number, TL says that he simply wants to see the human world."

"If he saw America today, he'd change his mind."

"AND he saves Hanabi Hyuga from a storm and falls in love with her."

"That's sweet…if only a little creepy."

"So, his head's CONSTANTLY in the clouds. With ANOTHER musical number, Mrfipp and D-Dude try and convince him to forget about it. BUT, Ino and Ben get him Hanabi's statue. TL's sensei finds out and blows up the statue!"

"I WAS A STATUE ONCE! Only, I didn't get blown up."

"TL then goes to the EVIL Blacknova and trades his Phil Collins/Joaquin Phoenix voice to be human!"

"Yeah, a MUTE human IN THE NUDE!"

"He then has THREE days to make Hanabi fall in love with him and kiss him. However, they are constantly being thwarted by Blacknova. When TL and Hanabi get REAL close, Blacknova turns HIMSELF into a human."

"Wow. Hugo Weaving changes into Joaquin Phoenix. NEVER thought he'd stoop so low."

"And he takes over Hanabi's mind and forces her to marry him…but he doesn't, 'cause TL and his buddies save the day!"

"Wedding crashers are GOOD GUYS? WOW! I'm a GOOD GUY!"

"TL gets his voice back and looks ready to KISS Hanabi!"

"YAY!"

"But Blacknova changes back and swipes him away."

"DARN IT!"

"TL's buddies AND his grouch of a sensei catch up and try to free TL, but Blacknova says they're under contract!"

"Used car salesmen, we're ONTO YOU…"

"So, TL's sensei takes his place and gets turned into a NOBODY!"

"I WAS A NOBODY ONCE…but I got bored and returned to being a merc."

"TL then calls Blacknova a son of a (^#^$^ and attacks him! But Blacknova's ready and tries to blow him to pieces! However, Hanabi saves the day!"

"Wow, never thought I'd see the beautiful princess save the dashing hero! I know, TL's conceited."

"However, Blacknova changes into a GIANT DRAGON!"

"I WAS A GIANT DRAGON ONCE…but Godzilla slapped me with a lawsuit."

"So, the good guys…"

"Duh-duh-duh-duh!"

"Try and kill the bad guy!"

"Dun-dun-dun-dun!"

"But can't, 'cause his skin's too thick."

"You'd think the guys on the Hulk movie would learn THAT."

"So, Hanabi runs him through with Eragon's magic burst-into-fire-when-you-say-its-name sword and KILLS HIM!"

"How could that happen again?"

"But Hanabi falls off her board and nearly suffocates via a spell that keeps humans from breathing in its interior."

"Jeez, environmental issues now."

"So, TL saves her a SECOND time. His sensei decides the guy's gotta make his OWN choices and turns TL into a human! They get married in a BIG wedding and TL promises Airnaruto that he'll name his first kid after him."

"You'll have to wait a few years for THAT, kid."

"So, it's a good story that's pretty SAPPY, some pretty good action, funny dialogue, and is over-loaded with musical numbers."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I won't turn it into a musical number!"

_With apologies to Little Mermaid fans…and Joaquin Phoenix._

_Unable to give opinion because I'm the author._


	3. Chapter 3

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Lord of the Rings: Return of the King by Airnaruto45

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"So, there are these Nicktoons called Arnold and Aang, who're being led by a HIDEOUSLY deformed version of Sid from Hey Arnold. If you didn't see the first two fics, here's a short summary…"

"Here's an EVIL ring! Destroy it with seven companions, but DITCH 'EM halfway through the journey."

"Good idea! I'll take the bald airbender, though, 'cause he's a wuss in this series!"

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki, the last king of Gondor and pimp of Hinata Hyuga!"

"Soon afterwards, Airnaruto decided he'd be happier with NaruSaku."

"I'm gonna be king, even though I'm scared of a ring that could possibly turn me into a homicide!"

"I WAS A HOMICIDE ONCE! But the police caught me and, long story short, this AIN'T community service."

"I'm Drake Darkstar, DM's flirtatious Darkside who makes out with TEN-YEAR-OLDS!"

"Then again, TL's not exactly one to criticize…"

"I'm DarkMagicianmon, wizard who gets KILLED halfway through the first movie, even though I SEEM like a main character!"

"Even though I come back as a better character in fic two."

"We're Timmy and Jimmy! Two morons who get KIDNAPPED, lost, AND separated in the course of the three fics!"

"I'm Jake Long! A guy who says EVERYONE'S name with dog at the end, and I'm this pretty-boy dragon archer!"

"Which is what you get for playing an Orlando Bloom character."

"I'm Plucky Duck! Obnoxious, hammer-wielding son of Elmer Fudd's favorite target!"

"And I'm Sasuke Uchiha! Emo traitor who tries to KILL Arnold and take the Ring…only to GET killed."

"Poor Sasuke, I wonder why people don't like him…besides the emo-traitor bit."

"Anyhoo, the SECOND fic is this…"

"Fight in a war."

"Okay, we're on fic three. Which is…"

"Fight in MULTIPLE wars to a point you can't tell who's who and stop the evil Madara Uchiha from conquering the world!"

"War, war, WAR! You could say war over and over and be quoting the LOTR trilogy PERFECTLY!"

"Arnold shoves Aang off the team after Sid convinces him HE wants the Ring."

"Why not shoot him in the balls and say he's gay? It has the same effect."

"Meanwhile, Naruto, ringaphobic soon-to-be-king, goes and recruits Gaara and his legion of DEAD guys! Jimmy goes with Might Gai and the people of Rohan and Timmy's stuck with Fugaku the nutcase in Minas Tirith."

"You'd think Airnaruto would be a bit more…CREATIVE with his names."

"Arnold gets stung by some crotchety old woman and gets carried off by Huntsman while Aang acts like a NON-wuss and goes in to save him!"

"After winning their needlessly drawn-out battles, the other heroes decide to go into a suicide mission to give Aang and Arnold some time!"

"I would've done that…except for one thing: I didn't want to."

"Long story-short, Arnold the now Ring-junkie and Aang the wuss go to the fiery mountain of death to try and destroy the ring! But, Sid gets in the way and BITES AANG'S FINGER OFF!"

"Was he a member of the Yakuza or somethin'?"

"Anyways, Arnold shoves Sid off into the BOILING LAVA LAKE OF DEATH! They get saved by DM's eagles and carted off to the Nicktoon Shire after Naruto's been crowned king."

"AND after he made-out with Hinata. Jeez, the NaruHina fans can pound a point to death."

"Then Arnold goes all depressed 'cause the Ring's gone and all. Instead of trying to deal with it, he decides to leave the country."

"Along with DM, Mickey Mouse, Ginny Weasley, and Steely Phil. They leave Aang the not-such-a-big wuss with his hot chick wife, Katara, his kids and gives him…a book."

"He could've left him ANYTHING! Diamonds, jewels, gold, silver, a bunch of strippers! But NO, he leaves him A BOOK."

"And Aang the not-such-a-big wuss goes home and…that's it."

"If THAT isn't anti-climatic then I'm REALLY Ryan Reynolds."

"Anyway, this is a good fic with tons of needlessly drawn-out fight scenes."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I'll make needlessly long fight scenes and stop calling Aang a wuss!"

_With apologies to Airnaruto, Lord of the Rings fans…and Aang._

_Seriously, Lord of the Rings: Return of the King was GREAT._


	4. Chapter 4

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Phantom Begins by Nukid

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"So, there's this teen named Danny Fenton."

"I verify my previous statement that you CAN'T have a parody without the guy."

"Whose parents were KILLED by Toad from the X-Men comics! He was left with three guys from Red vs. Blue—the sarcastic grouch, the retard, and the perv! He left after Toad was shot and he tried talking with his girlfriend and the guy who killed him!"

"I tried talking with his girlfriend once! But he didn't like that for some reason."

"So, he gets imprisoned where he meets Aizon from the Bleach franchise."

"Seriously, where'd the guy get a title like THAT?"

"And he promises that Danny could get the power to AVENGE his parents' death if he swore himself to serve a bald monk from Xiaolin Showdown! He nearly KILLED Homer Simpson, but DIDN'T!"

"And Simpson fans would've ripped Nukid to pieces if he DID."

"He returned to find he got two NEW cronies named Ranger and Redwingjohn. While trying to figure out his shtick, the retard suggests the name 'Captain Crunch Muffin', but Ranger threatened to shoot him."

"I don't see why D-Dude doesn't like the guy. So, he just mocked his intelligence. Big whoop."

"Danny got up in a mask after LEGALLY stealing some inventions from Nukid!"

"The British are smart, the British are sexy, the British aren't CONCEITED."

"He then met up with DM, one of the few GOOD cops!"

"Does the term sycophant mean anything?"

"He then caught Huntmaster and had him carted off to jail!"

"YAY!"

"But there was more to the plan."

"NOT-YAY!"

"Turns out that the pretty-boy, Sasori, was plotting to over-throw the asylum! He sprays Danny's girlfriend…"

"Who, for a change of pace, is NOT Juniper Lee, but Sam Mason!"

"With some kick-butt hallucinogen! She was saved by Danny and knocked out!"

"Too bad the hallucinogen got neutralized, it would've been a nice change of pace, saying that SHE was the most insane person in the universe."

"He then shows up at his birthday party and meets Aizon, who turns out to be the ACTUAL head-honcho! Danny scares off his guests by threatening them with Naruto filler arcs!"

"I ran off, screaming like a little girl. Seriously, folks."

"Aizon knocks out Danny and leaves him for dead in his burning house."

"I WAS KNOCKED OUT AND LEFT FOR DEAD IN A BURNING HOUSE! But then I woke up."

"He was saved by the sarcastic grouch and given new spirit! He's then like…"

"I'm gonna save Toon City!"

"And Aizon's like…"

"Why do you plan to stop my demolition of a breeding ground full of crime and filled with innocent bystanders?"

"'Cause I have no real life other than hot chicks with no original personalities, stupid butlers, and booze."

"Okay."

"So, they have a big fight and Danny drowned Aizon in a drain pipe."

"Wow. DISrespecting the source material. Perhaps being killed in a train-crash was a bit too simple, but who knows?"

"Anyways, Danny fires his back-stabbing partner and puts NUKID in his place."

"Hey, the Brits know what they're doing…save that Revolutionary War business, but we're not talking about that."

"He then returns to the ruined…ruin of his old mansion and he's…"

"Fix this place!"

"His butlers are like…"

"Why?"

"Because."

"Okay."

"So, this is an excellent fic, very original, but filled with sex humor, profanity, and morons."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I'll become a crime-fighting playboy!"

_With apologies to Nukid and Batman Begins fans._

_Seriously, Phantom Begins was GOOD._


	5. Chapter 5

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Author Fighters: The Black King by Dimensiondude

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"So, the fic starts out with a creepy, black dude named Blackheart takin' out the Straw Hats with one touch…like radiation poisoning"

"Upon reading this, Nukid was like…"

"You're bashing the Straw Hats!"

"And D-Dude was like…"

"No, I'm not. I'm just showing how tough Blackheart is."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Are."

"Not."

"Are."

"Not."

"Are."

"Not."

"And so on. Anyways, the Author Fighters figure out that Blackheart's after these things called Volumes of Pandemonium! D-Dude goes to the Troll Market from Hellboy II…"

"Can't D-Dude make up an area by himself?"

"With the assistance of Xemnas1992, Fortune Glyph, Ghost Rider, and Blade."

"Great! J. Griff goes in with Brendan Fraser, Anne Hathaway, Nick Cage, and Wesley Snipes."

"Snipes? Imagine what the other guys had to go through with THAT jerk…"

"And it turns out that no bad guy can trump Blackheart, because his dad basically owns their souls…along with a few other heroes—TSS and X Prodigy."

"NO WAY!"

"And Blackheart says that they've gotta give him the Volumes of Pandemonium or else he'll KILL DM's girlfriend!"

"If you wanted reading material, all you had to do was ask."

"So, they go to Australia, which has a HUGE graveyard!"

"I worked at a graveyard once! Only, I was the one being buried because I took off the ladies' skirts."

"They find Blackheart and he's like…"

"Give me the books!"

"And DM's all like…"

"Okay."

"And everyone else is like…"

"NO!"

"Blackheart takes the books and tries to bring Hell on Earth."

"I BROUGHT HELL TO EARTH ONCE! But some religious dudes tried to crucify me."

"And the Authors take 'im out."

"YAY!"

"But he's still here."

"Oh…"

"Blackheart is INCHES away from killing the Authors, but gets sent back to Hell by God Almighty…and X Prodigy, TSS, and everyone else Blackheart captured are sent back with serious cramps."

"So, this is a pretty good fic, but was WAY too dark for its own good."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! If you don't, I'll raise Hell!"

_With apologies to D-Dude, One Piece fans…and Blackheart._

_Seriously, Black King was nice…but too dark for its own good._


	6. Chapter 6

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Scarlet and the Black Knight by Roscoso

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"So, there's this talkin', power-mimicking robot who gets sucked back in time by a magician called Merlina! He's taken back to the time of King Arthur!"

"I MET KING ARTHUR ONCE! Only, he was dead."

"But you know what they say about great men—they never die…they just stop living…"

"Anyway, Scarlet takes up a weird, talkin' sword named Caliburn!"

"Caliburn? Sounds like a product brand. Now, buy THREE Caliburns for the price of ONE!"

"And he goes to see the Fictor brothers, who aren't REALLY the Fictor brothers, but Blacksmiths."

"Is this one of those weird hallucination stories?"

"And then they go to DM and Hikari, who are the Lady of the Lake!"

"Yup, DEFINITELY a hallucination story."

"WHY IS THE HEAD MAN OF THE AUTHOR FIGHTERS PLAYING A WOMAN?!"

"So, they run into X Prodigy, who's really Lancelot. Airnaruto, who's actually Gawain. Chef Colette, who's actually Gallahad, and some random dude who's Percival."

"You'd think they'd run into an ACTUAL Author Fighter by now…"

"Anyways, Scarlet fights Arthur and trumps him! But it turns out that Arthur isn't really Arthur, just some weird illusion."

"EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE!"

"It turns out that Merlina made this Arthur to make sure the world never ended. She then turns into this mega-sized evil lady and tries to KILL everyone! Long story-short, Scarlet with the help of Caliburn take out Merlina and they ALL live happily ever after…after Scarlet says that you've gotta ENJOY life while it lasts."

"Which means I'VE got a date with a stripper!"

"So, this fic's good despite the mass amounts of confusion."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! Are you an audience or a bunch of knights who LOOK like an audience?"

With apologies to Roscoso and fans of Sonic and the Black Knight…and King Arthur.

_Seriously, Scarlet and the Black Knight was good._


	7. Chapter 7

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Michelle Jones: Eclipse of the Heart by Fortune Glyph (it got removed, so don't try and find it.)

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"So, there's this girl named Michelle Jones who's the Dragon-wielder."

"If the title didn't give it away, nothing would."

"And she's going out with her boyfriend while her ex is plotting eventual vengeance with two guys who have NO LUCK WITH THE LADIES."

"They break Michelle's ex, named Peter, out and well, plot EVIL stuff!"

"Meanwhile, a woman named Kida sends her young friend in to warn Michelle and her friends about Peter!"

"Her young friend is…"

"Duh-duh-duh-duh!"

"TLSoulDude!"

"He finds and warns the group about Peter and takes them to Kida's home…where she shows that Michelle's boyfriend killed her in a previous lifetime."

"Bummer."

"Anyways, Peter and his cronies show up and the heroes kick their tails!"

"YAY!"

"But then Peter kicks their butts."

"NOT-YAY!"

"And takes Michelle back to his EVIL hideout!"

"Which, ironically, is a large and pretty obvious castle."

"And CORRUPTS Michelle's mind to evil!"

"Le GASP!"

"Like we never saw THAT ONE coming."

"So, Michelle's boyfriend goes on a daring mission to save her before she marries Peter!"

"Wait, are they old enough to marry? I'm not sure."

"And, while breaking up the wedding, Michelle's boyfriend tries snapping her out of it. HER response is to try and run him through. However, Michelle's enemy-turned-friend takes the blow."

"I WAS RUN THROUGH ONCE! Only, it was through a factory when I stole the conveyor belt."

"The shock jolts Michelle back to her senses, says that she likes Peter, but likes her ORIGINAL boyfriend more."

"Kick 'im in the balls! Kick 'im in the balls! Kick 'im in the balls!"

"Then seals him away and goes on with her life."

"Bummer."

"They then return to Toon Town and live happily ever after. There would've been a THIRD fic, but Lucky up and left after chapter one was posted."

"So, this is a good fic with fluffy romance, humor, and some action."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I PROMISE I won't corrupt you!"

With apologies to Fortune Glyph.

_Personally, Michelle Jones: Eclipse of the Heart was a good fic._


	8. Chapter 8

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Prince of Heart by TLSoulDude

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"So, this fic is set up to be a direct sequel to Kingdom Hearts II. Sora is visited by his buddies Donald and Goofy."

"I was visited by Donald and Goofy once, only it was my usual hallucinations."

"They go to Disney Castle with Riku and Kairi…however, the party gets crashed by a reject from Courage the Cowardly Dog. This guy, named Chrysallis, turns Riku's arm into diamond along with Mickey and Minnie."

"However, two NEW guys show up!"

"Sakuzy…"

_"I'm from the future!"_

"And Joyex."

_"Cool."_

"So, they go on a journey, collecting these things called Pure Hearts. Along the way, they go through all kinds of worlds! To name but a few…"

"Narnia…"

"Ooh."

"Cars."

"OOH."

"Lion King."

"OOH!"

"And Black Cauldron."

"What?"

"They also got to NON-Disney worlds!"

"Van Helsing…"

"Uh…ooh?"

"King Kong…"

"Ooh."

"And Spider-Man."

"OOH!"

"On the way, they meet up with four OTHER friends!"

"Jeez, TL puts in OCs like MAD in here."

"J…"

_"My life's crap."_

"Scott…"

_"G'day, mate!"_

"April…"

_"Free bird!"_

"And Ryan."

_"WHEE!"_

"So, after a long adventure and leaving SEVERAL key fight scenes, Sora and co. arrive at the HQ of this Megatron rip-off called Diamond via an Optimus Prime rip-off called Quartz."

"Transformers and Kingdom Hearts? Never thought I'd see those two together."

"Then again, I never expected Disney and Final Fantasy either."

"They go in and Quartz is like…"

"Destroy the Pure Heart and kill me!"

"Sora is like…"

"No!"

"Diamond is like…"

"Give ME the Pure Heart!"

"And Sora is like…"

"Okay."

"So, he gives the Pure Heart to Diamond, merges with Quartz, stabs the Pure Heart, thus killing Diamond."

"Then, Joyex…"

_"Cool."_

"Gets wiped from existence."

"Sakuzy…"

_"I'm from the future!"_

"Goes back to a better timeline."

"Meanwhile, Sora, Riku, and Kairi go home to Destiny Island with J…"

_"My life's crap."_

"Scott…"

_"G'day, mate!"_

"April…"

_"Free bird!"_

"And Ryan."

_"WHEE!"_

"So, this a good story, save that ANNOYING guy, Crescent. He's just so…obnoxious. Whoever HE'S based off oughta hang his head in shame…wait, it's me."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! It's not as if I'm a Transformers rip-off!"

With apologies to Prince of Heart fans…and Transformers.

_Can't give my opinion, seeing as this is my own story._


	9. Chapter 9

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Sleeping Mermaid by Xemnas1992

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"So, there's this woman named Ariel, but she wasn't ALWAYS a woman! A few years ago, she was a cute, little baby."

"I WAS A BABY ONCE! But then I grew up and forgot about it."

"Then she's blessed by these three fairies—they're Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura! Wait…they're Xemnas1992, Donald, and Goofy."

"I WAS A FAIRY ONCE! However, I was high."

"They bless Ariel with good looks and a great singing voice. However, an evil bi…wait TL doesn't like profanity…witch named Shego comes in and crashes the party! She wonders why SHE wasn't invited."

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A BI…witch."

"She then CURSES Ariel that she'll touch a spinning wheel and…ACK!"

"I WAS CURSED ONCE! I wandered onto the set of Bewitched. Long story."

"So, Donald somewhat dulls Shego's creepy curse and turns it into a pansy curse that only causes Ariel to fall asleep until she gets kissed by that wimp, Eric."

"Would've been cooler if it was Leon. Leon's WAY cooler than Eric. He could KICK that whimpy prince all over the place LIKE NOTHIN'!"

"But, I digress."

"Xem, Donald, and Goofy take it upon themselves and take it upon themselves to raise Ariel until she's seventeen. They turn into three Nobodies!"

"And their names are Chester A. Bum, the Nostalgia Critic, and Dominic. Wait, that's That Guy In Glasses. Sorry."

"Anyway, Ariel bursts into song, Eric being attracted by her voice, JUST like in the Little Mermaid! Ariel then returns to her castle, JUST LIKE in the Little Mermaid! Shego then controls her into touching the Spinning Wheel, making her fall asleep, JUST LIKE IN…the Little Mermaid?"

"Sorry. Got carried away."

"Anyways, Shego's got the help of an entire army of Clone Troopers and Thrax, who appears in Xem's fic as a not-such-a-big-surprise guest! The three fairies are forced to fork over their power to Shego as everyone in the entire castle falls asleep to detract suspicion."

"I CAUSED PEOPLE TO FALL ASLEEP TO DETRACT SUSPICION ONCE! Only, it was with a rock, a needle filled with heroin, a nose-plug, a TV antenna, and an AK-47. Once again, long story."

"The fairies then find Eric the pansy and tell him WHERE to find Shego!"

"She was in Rockefeller Military Center with a blue naked man."

"Wait, wasn't that Watchmen?"

"She was in a castle and turned herself INTO A DRAGON!"

"I WAS A DRAGON ONCE! But Godzilla…wait, I used that joke already."

"Anyway, pansy Eric was like…"

"DIE!"

"Bi…witch Shego was like…"

"ROAR!"

"Eric was like…"

"Okay."

"Stab. Dead. Leon would've made it TWICE as awesome!"

"He would've whipped out his Gunblade, sliced the dragon's head off, and then had a nice day. Incidentally, what's the difference between Eric and Leon?"

"Leon's manlier, has a cool scar, fights a heck of a lot more, has a cool leather jacket, an ACTUAL personality, and has a gnarly sword. Eric's a pansy who's voiced by Spider-Man."

"But I digress."

"Anyway, Eric kisses Ariel, they get married, and they ALL live happily ever after…except Shego, 'cause she's dead."

"I LIVED HAPPILY EVER ONCE! But then I woke up, dangling over a vat of acid. Unrelated story."

"So, this is a pretty good fic, even though Xem dropped the cool guy for the pansy."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I'll give it to Leon, the REALLY cool guy!"

With apologies to Xemnas1992, the Sleeping Beauty…and Prince Eric.

_Personally, I thought Sleeping Mermaid was good…despite the fact that the movie stunk._


	10. Chapter 10

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Author Fighters: The Burst Soldier by DW64

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"So, there's this guy called DW64, only he's not CALLED DW64 anymore. NOW, he's a jerk mercenary."

"Honestly, who would go into that line of work? Who would just go around, killing for money, cracking stupid jokes, and cause nothing except aggravation?"

"Oh, right. Me. I retract previous statement."

"He WAS called DW when he was in the Author Fighters, but he left and went by his name: Darren Wong."

"Not to seem stereotyping, but Singapore makes some odd names."

"And there's this Darkside, called Crow, who's paying Darren to make sure a shipment comes through."

"Only Darren is suspicious and begins working BEHIND Crow's back!"

"He then meets this hot chick, Tifa Lockhart!"

"I MET A HOT CHICK ONCE! But she kicked me in the nuts, spat in my face, drove her heel into my face, and called me a jerky pervert."

"And, get this! HE MAKES OUT WITH HER!"

"Cloud would have your HEAD for that, if this was in the Final Fantasy universe, anyway."

"I will BRAVELY go where no man's gone before! AND I'LL GLADLY DO IT AGAIN!"

"Anyway, Darren gets captured by the police and they hauled his carcass off."

"THAT'S for becoming a mercenary!"

"Why am I bad-mouthing my own profession? I have NO IDEA!"

"Anyhoo, MistressofDawn finds him and bails him out! He then says that he'll rejoin the Author Fighters, taking up his title of DW64!"

"FINALLY, a wise career move!"

"I'm gonna stop being a mercenary and become a speech writer for Ron Paul…"

"NOT!"

"So, he travels with Tifa and comes across this moron, who's Tifa's DAD!"

"Tifa's dad threatens his own daughter to leave DW and help him with the shipment."

"But DW doesn't like that AT ALL!"

"He's like…"

"Let Tifa go!"

"And Mr. Lockhart is like…"

"No!"

"DIE!"

"But then Crow shows up and DW decides to fight HIM instead!"

"Then Tifa SHOOTS her father!"

"YES!"

"I wish I could shoot MY father!"

"If he wasn't DEAD already…"

"So, the Author Fighters come up and take away Crow."

"Be thankful that Cloud didn't show up, Darren."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I won't tell Cloud!"

With apologies to DW64…and Cloud Strife.

_Personally, I think Author Fighters: The Burst Soldier was good._


	11. Chapter 11

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Nickmorphers by SOLMaster

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"There's this place called Camp Lazlo!"

"But it doesn't last because it gets destroyed BY ALIENS!"

"I WAS DESTROYED BY ALIENS ONCE! Just kidding."

"And there's this kid named Ben Tennyson with a weird friend called Spongebob. Spongebob helps Ben buy a Camarro."

"I WAS A CAMARRO ONCE! What a weird week THAT was…"

"Anyway, there's this hot chick called Jazz, who's trying to figure out who hacked the national computer."

"She then runs to this black nerd called Tucker!"

"Meanwhile, in the desert, the campers are lost and get attacked BY SCROOP!"

"Welcome to the world of Jim Hawkins, dude."

"But they kill him!"

"…Maybe…possibly…nah, he's probably alive."

"And Ben finds out that Spongebob's AN ALIEN!"

"No duh."

"With his crush, Kai."

"Is that relevant to the storyline?"

"Well, I guess Kenny had Native American-style skin."

"But I digress."

"They meet up with these Nicktoons!"

"I WAS A NICKTOON ONCE! But then I quit and I'm strictly owned by 20th Century Fox."

"They're Jimmy Neutron, Timmy Turner, Tak, and Danny Phantom."

"They're searching for this thing called the Toon Flute, which can animate toys and turn them into weapons of mass destruction…"

"COOL!"

"And they have to find it before the EVIL Invader ZIM!"

"Back with the campers, they take out this Spider Psycho called Scroop from Treasure Planet! They blew him apart with Sabot Rounds! They then get brought home after one of them gets wounded."

"Back with Jazz, she and Tucker get ARRESTED!"

"I WAS ARRESTED ONCE! But then I bribed the guards with cheeseburgers and escaped."

"Anyways, Crocker turns up at Ben's place and takes him away with Kai. They get intercepted by the Nicktoons and Spongebob gets captured."

"COOL!"

"Literally, they froze 'im."

"So the Deceptitoons shut down the entire world's communication system. GIR finds the Toon Flute and tells ALL of the bad guys where to find it and THAWS ZIM!"

"Anyway, they have a LONG fight, and Ben shoves the Toon Flute into ZIM's chest, killing him! Spongebob says he wants to stay with Ben as he and Kai begin making out!"

"I'm STILL not sure if it's canon or not…"

"And Jimmy sends a message out to any other Nicktoons who possibly could've survived."

"OF COURSE THERE ARE! They're forced to keep stalling for more movies in their contract."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! It's for the poor Nicktoons! American cartoons need all the help they can get!"

_With apologies to SOLMaster…and American cartoons._

_Seriously, Nickmorphers kicked TAIL!_


	12. Chapter 12

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

X Prodigy's Christmas Bonanza by X Prodigy

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"_Dashing through the SPOILERS, in a one-horse open sleigh…_"

"So, it's Christmas time with the Author Fighters and Ranger's forced to shovel the snow when Loony comes and annoys him, so Ranger promises DEATH to him!"

"And I thought, what's this gotta do with Christmas?"

"Then we see the Authors are preparing for Christmas Day…"

"All the while talking about how everyone managed to blow stuff up before."

"Is this improperly titled?"

"And then we cut scenes to were X Prodigy, Nukid, and Roscoso are fighting and beating the living junk outta each other!"

"I think I got in the wrong fanfiction…"

"But then they come back just in time to see Ranger trying to castrate Lunatic! Lunatic then grabs the Christmas tree for protection!

"I WAS A CHRISTMAS TREE ONCE!"

"I stole the presents and Christmas for the next two years!"

"And DM's like…"

"Ranger, DON'T chop down the tree!"

"And Ranger's like…"

"No, I'm gonna kill the little jerk."

"And Lunatic's like…"

"Is it for my life or just for the tree?"

"And DM's like…"

"Just for the tree."

"Dang."

"And so they go into a debate over the significance of a tree and why Ranger shouldn't chop it down. They then go into a Christmas song!"

"But it isn't a traditional Christmas song…"

"Then TSS comes in and Lunatic makes a pervy comment about Seras!"

"I thought TL was the perv of the three…"

"But I digress."

"TSS and Airnaruto then have a fight scene!"

"Yup, I'm DEFINITELY reading the wrong fic…"

"And X Prodigy sees TL all depressed and talks to him. TL admits that he's thinking about Hanabi…"

"And so X Prodigy spawns ANOTHER weird pairing."

"And then he sings a song!"

"But it isn't a Christmas song."

"It was a man!"

"Then Team Faust turns up and everyone gets drunk, including the Fictor Brothers…"

"I thought they didn't drink anything alcohol-related…"

"I digress."

"Then Nukid, Ross, and X Prodigy have ANOTHER fight scene…"

"Yup, I'm reading the wrong fic."

"And announce they're making an Author Fighter Triple Team!"

"Shameless advertising ahoy!"

"And get this! Tobi ACTUALLY makes out with Hinata!"

"Wait, isn't Madara about ninety?"

"And he's kissing a girl who isn't even fifteen?"

"PEDO ALERT! PEDO ALERT!"

"And so this ends on the note of New Years Day…but I'm not sure if this is the right fic or not…"

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I need directions to get to X Prodigy's Christmas Bonanza! Wait…this was it? Weird."

_With apologies to X Prodigy…and Tobi Uchiha._

_Seriously, X Prodigy's Christmas Bonanza was friggin' HILARIOUS!_


	13. Chapter 13

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

DarkMagicianmon and the Darkside Knight by PhoenixofDarkness

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"So, there's this guy called DarkMagicianmon and he gets sent into a MEDIEVAL WORLD!"

"There, he meets his buddy, Brian K., and his beautiful wife. Only they're KING AND QUEEN!"

"I WAS KING AND QUEEN ONCE!"

"Unfortunately, I had to divorce myself…"

"It was hard on my kid."

"NOT!"

"Making love was awkward."

"And so DarkMagicianmon has to take on D-Dude, TL, and Loony, otherwise known as THE FICTOR BROTHERS!"

"I WAS ONE OF THE FICTOR BROTHERS ONCE! But they said I was too insane, even on their standards."

"So DM goes travelling to try and find Princess Hikari Ino."

"Wait, his girlfriend's the princess and his buddy's the king?"

"That would mean that DM's hitting on the king's daughter!"

"I don't think the king's gonna like THAT!"

"But I digress."

"DM then meets up with Airnaruto, Nukid, and X Prodigy!"

"I WAS X PRODIGY ONCE! Unfortunately, my disguise fooled no one."

"Then DM goes and fights the evil and flirtatious Drake Darkstar, who has Hikari in his clutches!"

"Then they have a big fight with swords slashing, fists punching, and crotches getting kicked!"

"And then, for the climactic ending…"

"DM wakes up."

"WHAT?!"

"IT WAS ALL A DREAM?!"

"I SPENT FIVE DOLLARS ON A FIC THAT ANYONE CAN READ FOR FREE THAT ENDS WITH THE WHOLE STORY BEING JUST A DREAM?!"

"WHAT A RIP!"

"I SHOULD SUE!"

"I SHOULD SEND AN ANGRY LETTER!"

"I SHOULD STOP WHILE I'M STILL ALIVE!"

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! This isn't a dream, is it?"

With apologies to PhoenixofDarkness.

_Seriously, DarkMagicianmon and the Darkside Knight was GREAT!_


	14. Chapter 14

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Return of Chase Young by DarkMagicianmon

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"First of all, I'm obligated to tell you that there are…spoiler alerts."

"SPOILERS?! WHERE?! I HATE THOSE PEOPLE!"

"WITH THEIR BIG SHIELDS, BRONZE ARMOR, SHOUTING THROUGH THEIR TEETH, AND KICKING PEOPLE INTO BOTTOMLESS PITS…"

"Wait, that's a Spartan."

"Anyway, there's this bug-guy called Weevil, who's a leader of a bunch of bandits!"

"But their crime-spree gets broken-up by the heroes from Naruladdin!"

"Naruto…"

"BELIEVE IT!"

"Danny Phantom…"

"Goin' ghost!"

"Juniper Lee…"

"HIYA!"

"Ben 10…"

"GOIN' HERO!"

"And Pikachu!"

"Pika, pika, pika!"

"So they take everything Weevil's got and fly away on their dragon!"

"I WISH I HAD A DRAGON! But all I've got is a Horseman of the Apocalypse."

"Big whoop."

"Anyway, Jack Spicer manages to escape the lamp he was trapped inside! And Jack was like…"

"Evil!"

"And Chase Young was like…"

"Get me outta here!"

"And Jack was like…"

"Nah, don't feel like it."

"Jack then saves our heroes from Weevil's cronies and they take them to the princess and sensei! Hinata…"

"Um…"

"And Kakashi!"

"Icha Icha Paradise!"

"Then comes Joey Wheeler, the genie with stupid hair! Joey was like…"

"Awesome!"

"So, Naruto takes Kakashi and Jack on his dragon to another place where it turns out that Weevil let Chase Young out and Jack betrayed them!"

"OH NO!"

"I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!"

"I also couldn't tell Bruce Wayne was Batman, Darth Vader was Luke's father, or that Neo was The One."

"I think I'm seeing a pattern…"

"So Naruto was nearly executed because everyone thinks he killed Kakashi, but it turns out to be a trap made by Chase Young! But Jack realizes what he's doing is wrong and releases the heroes!"

"Naruto…"

"BELIEVE IT!"

"Danny Phantom…"

"Goin' ghost!"

"Juniper Lee…"

"HIYA!"

"Ben 10…"

"GOIN' HERO!"

"Pikachu…"

"Pika, pika, pika!"

"Hinata…"

"Um…"

"Kakashi…"

"Icha Icha Paradise!"

"And Joey!"

"Awesome!"

"So Naruto and his friends try to take out Chase and there's this HUGE fight scene with everyone! Including…"

"Naruto…"

"BELIEVE IT!"

"Danny Phantom…"

"Goin' ghost!"

"Juniper Lee…"

"HIYA!"

"Ben 10…"

"GOIN' HERO!"

"Pikachu…"

"Pika, pika, pika!"

"Hinata…"

"Um…"

"Kakashi…"

"Icha Icha Paradise!"

"Joey…"

"Awesome!"

"Jack…"

"Evil!"

"And Chase!"

"Naruto!"

"But during the fight, Jack gets ZAPPED and is half-dead! However, he manages to find enough strength to throw Chase's lamp into lava!"

"SO HE DIES!"

"But Jack is dead. The characters gather to mourn their fallen comrade…"

"BUT HE'S ALIVE!"

"Jeez, way to ruin the moment."

"So Jack goes in, lives with the heroes, and they all live happily ever after…all of them!"

"Naruto…"

"BELIEVE IT!"

"Danny Phantom…"

"Goin' ghost!"

"Juniper Lee…"

"HIYA!"

"Ben 10…"

"GOIN' HERO!"

"Pikachu…"

"Pika, pika, pika!"

"Hinata…"

"Um…"

"Kakashi…"

"Icha Icha Paradise!"

"Joey…"

"Awesome!"

"Jack…"

"Evil!"

"And Chase!"

"Naruto!"

"Wait, not Chase. He's dead."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I need to help fight off those Spoilers! Who knew that three hundred of them could put up such a good fight?"

With apologies to DarkMagicianmon...and Spartans.

_Seriously, Return of Chase Young was…okay, but I got confused during the fight scenes._


	15. Chapter 15

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

The Little Fictorian II: Return to the Trees by TLSoulDude

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"_Under the SPOILERS! Under the SPOILERS!_"

"So, a few years after that ordeal with Blacknova, TL is a human, Hanabi is old enough to be married to TL without it seeming weird, and they are happily wed and have a cute, little son named Seth."

"Why'd they name him Seth?"

"I bet it's because he wanted to name him after a friend."

"But I thought TL HATED MacFarlene…"

"Then there's this guy called Wraith, who's Blacknova's demented brother and he ALSO wants the medallion of TL's teacher and to avenge Blacknova!"

"Which doesn't really make any sense, 'cause he hates 'im. It's like Sasuke beating someone to pieces because the guy killed Itachi."

"But I digress."

"So, Wraith tries to KILL Seth with the help of his Legion of Darkness and virus-buddy named Thrax! But they stopped him!"

"YES!"

"But he gets away."

"NO!"

"So TL and Hanabi build a wall around the city to keep Wraith out. And Seth grows up into this guy who wants to leave the human world and be in the forest."

"Jeez, MAJOR reversal."

"And he has his watchers, the OCD Mrfipp, the dragonsaur Dimensiondude, and those weird guys from Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal!"

"Y'know, it's JUST like when I'm smokin' weed! 'Cuz when I do, I see weird kids, guys with OCD, dragonsaurs, and Ratchet & Clank characters…"

"I don't think I read this fic! I think I just got high!"

"And, after a disastrous party, TL and Seth have a very sweet, father-to-son talk…"

"Which involves Seth calling his father a jerk, swiping a medallion, and running away!"

"Aw, they're SO close!"

"So Seth runs out, goes under the wall, and meets Wraith, who turns Seth into a hedgehog!"

"I'm beginning to suspect that this IS a weed-induced fantasy…"

"And TL goes after him! TL's sensei changes the guy back into a hedgehog as he goes out into the woods and meets up with all his old friends from the first fic—Lunatic, Airnaruto, Hellboy, Ino, Ben Tennyson, Xemnas1992, Fortune Glyph, and Green Goblin!"

"He also meets up with DarkMagicianmon, Hikari Ino, and his OCs from Prince of Heart—Sakuzy, Joey, Maya, Depth, and Adrian!"

"Just when you thought this fic didn't have ENOUGH characters, Seth finds out he can't stay in hedgehog form forever and goes out to steal his grandfather's medallion!"

"Wait, how's a rabbit thing supposed to be his grandpa?"

"MY GRAMPY IS NORMAL!"

"My grampy is a television set!"

"And Seth meets up with this little kid named Calvin and this tiger named Hobbes!"

"And the hedgehog, kid, and tiger sing a song…"

"I'll stop the weed-smoking NOW!"

"And they steal Ultimo's medallion! TL's group gets wise to what's going on and selects a few friends to accompany him to Wraith's fortress! They get there and Wraith was like…"

"Give me the medallion!"

"And Seth was like…"

"Okay."

"NO!"

"Wraith GETS the medallion and captures TL before sealing TL's friends and Seth inside a room and drains them of their powers and weapons!"

"I WAS DRAINED OF MY POWERS AND WEAPONS ONCE! Wait…no, I wasn't. Never mind."

"And so Wraith RULES the Toonian Forest and has his Legion try and KILL the rest of TL's friends and abducts Hanabi!"

"You can't do that, Wraith! Only Drake Darkstar can!"

"But TL's friends put up a good fight!"

"Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes break Seth's group out and kill Thrax!"

"HOORAY!"

"But then Wraith uses the Ultima Medallion to make everyone bow down to him!"

"Wait…Blacknova blew up four ninjas and all this guy can do is make everyone bow to him?"

"I AM SO CONFUSED!"

"So, Seth makes a deal with a pink river to forget its problems with humans and give him a hand!"

"I am checking into a rehab clinic tomorrow…"

"And so, Seth gets the medallion and gives it back to TL's sensei!"

"And Wraith then gets stoned!"

"…Wait, he gets turned INTO stone. Sorry."

"And so Seth destroys the wall and allows all the people in the city and forest to be together."

"HOORAY!"

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I need therapy! TL's starting to sound like that cowboy from Ghost Rider!"

_With apologies to Little Fictorian 2 fans._

_Seriously, though, looking back, Little Fictorian 2 was…meh._


	16. Chapter 16

_And now it's time for..._

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

The Elven-Ranger Trilogy

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"One Ring to rule them SPOILERS!"

"There's this place, called Middle-Earth and it's filled with elves, dwarves, men, and other such guys."

"I don't think I saw this place. Maybe I got high…"

"And it's JUST like the Lord of the Rings Trilogy!"

"Only, there's an elf girl in there, who's COMPLETELY three-dimensional!"

"Except for the fact that she has no personality, no internal conflict, always makes the right choices, and has a thing for Aragorn."

"THAT IS JUNK!"

"Aragorn went with Arwen! Read the books or watch the movies!"

"You could practically read the entire books and be quoting this fic, perfectly…only, with that elf-girl!"

"So, this fic was pretty good, despite the fact that I kept hoping someone would cut this girl's head off. But hey, that's the point of this series: you always want MORE!"

"More common sense, more like the source material, and more realistic characters."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I need to get to Middle-Earth! John Rhys-Davies owes me money!"

_Seriously, though, the Elven-Ranger Trilogy was…it has Aragorn, who HAS an established love-interest, going out with an OC who's a Sue. What do YOU think?_


	17. Chapter 17

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Naruladdin and the King of Nobodies by DarkMagicianmon

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"_A whole new world for you and…SPOILERS_!"

"So, this is a sequel to Return of Chase Young and Naruto and Hinata are very happy and are getting married…"

"But then Nobodies came in and crashed the wedding!"

"What's with people and crashing weddings?!"

"Seriously! First the Little Fictorian, now THIS?!"

"And one of them is trying to steal the Oracle, also known as Clockwork from the wedding gifts in order to find the Ultimate Treasure!"

"But Naruto stops them…and the Nobodies escape. He asks Clockwork about his sensei and shows that it's Jiraiya!"

"I WAS JIRAIYA ONCE!"

"And I REALLY enjoyed it!"

"And so Naruto's like…"

"Show me the way to Jiraiya!"

"And Hinata's like…"

"But this will postpone the wedding!"

"And Naruto's like…"

"I'll come back in time for it!"

"And Hinata's like…"

"Okay."

"Isn't that what most guys say? I'll leave before our wedding, postponing it, sleep with a couple of ladies, and will probably die! Why? Because I wanna get married to ya!"

"I SAID THAT TO A WOMAN ONCE!"

"She cut my nuts off…"

"And so Naruto brings his friends: Danny, Ben, Juniper, Jack, Dojo, and Pikachu to the Nobodies' lair and finds Rika from Digimon, who seems obsessed with Jack Spicer!"

"Wait…when'd this come in?"

"Better question is why does DM insist on throwing in unusual crossover pairings like this?"

"I GET CONFUSED!"

"And so Naruto fights Xemnas and goes fox-chakra mode and boots the guy off the cliff!"

"I WANTED TO DO THAT THROUGH ALL OF KH II!"

"Xemnas' speeches about being nothing are more annoying than my speeches about sex!"

"P.S. Do not expect to hear those anytime soon."

"Then Jiraiya lets the group into the Forty Nobodies and Jiraiya's like…"

"We're trying to find the Keyblade of Midas, which turns anything into gold!"

"Why?"

"Because!"

"So Naruto invites Jiraiya and Rika to the wedding and they go back to Cartoonopolis…however things don't go so well as Jiraiya and Rika are caught trying to steal Clockwork AGAIN!"

"What is this? The Arabian Job?"

"All ya need is Jason Statham and Seth Green!"

"WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?!"

"And so Naruto breaks them out of prison but gets caught! Before a sentence could be made, Jack comes in and says…"

"We're in trouble! The Nobodies are attacking Jiraiya and Rika!"

"Who's attacking Jiraiya and Rika?"

"Nobody!"

"So, nobody's attacking them?"

"No, somebody's attacking them! The somebody is Nobody!"

"So, nobody's attacking them?

"YES!"

"But Who's on first."

"That's what I'D like to know!"

"So, they go into a fight scene and Naruto frees Jiraiya in order to take the Keyblade, but Xemnas stops them and admits he lied to them…in front of Axel and Roxas! So the two guys turn on him while Jiraiya uses the Keyblade to kill the Dusks that Xemnas summoned! Then Xemnas is like…"

"Throw me the Keyblade or I'll gut Naruto!"

"And Jiraiya's like…"

"Okay, see ya in Hell, jerk."

"Xemnas grabs the blade and gets turned into gold!"

"JUST LIKE IN ONE OF MY WEED-INDUCED FANTASIES!"

"And so there's an explosion and Clockwork saves them and is like…"

"If you could give Jack, Roxas, and Axel another chance, why shouldn't you give another one to Jiraiya?"

"And Naruto's like…"

"Because he's a thief, pervert, used the wedding as an excuse in order to steal your scepter, and abandoned me!"

"Okay, so he's not perfect. Besides THAT?"

"Fine. I'll give him another chance…"

"And so they return to Cartoonopolis just in time for Naruto and Hinata to FINALLY get married…"

"Aw, the fluffiness of some of those fanfictions…"

"And Rika stays with Jack because she loves him…even though they only met a few chapters ago. But Jiraiya leaves because he's a thief, through and through."

"And so the group lives happily ever after!"

"HOORAY!"

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I need surgery so I can get my nuts back…then probably lose them when I say that to another woman."

_With apologies to DarkMagicianmon…and Jiraiya._

_Seriously, though, Naruladdin and the King of Nobodies was good…but what's with the Jack/Rika pairing?_


	18. Chapter 18

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Lunatic121 a.k.a. The Insane Critic_

_Tonight's review:_

War with the Zodiacs by Nukid

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE WORST FIC I'VE EVER READ IN MY LIFE!" Lunatic shouted, bolting in front of the camera, "AND I DON'T SAY THAT OFTEN!"

"Alright, once or twice...every Thursday."

"THIS fic is a bunch of BUNK! Nukid spends HALF the fic explaining his insert's past and how HIS opinion should be the only one that matters and spends the OTHER half having the Zodiacs and Author Fighters beat the living crap out of each other!"

"And I also find it pretty ironic that Nukid hates Sues and Stus, but ALL the Zodiacs have the SAME FRIGGIN' PERSONALITIES! They're ALL sadistic JERKS!"

"And so what if the guy gives each of the Authors individual fights to show off their individual strengths and weaknesses!"

"He took out an entire SQUAD of the Authors, claiming he just caught them off-guard and that they underestimated him! I can understand one or two of the Authors, BUT AN ENTIRE FRIGGIN' SQUAD?!"

"I'LL EVEN GO AS FAR AS TO SAY THAT THIS FIC IS NOTHING MORE THAN AN EGO-TRIP FOR NUKID!"

"Who thinks he can take Drake single-handed!"

"And near the end, the guy found it necessary to drop the F-Bomb in EVERY (BLEEP)ING SENTENCE!"

"I would recite a line, but I'm Christian. I don't use that kinda language."

"I CAME IN EXPECTING A GREAT FANFICTION AND THIS WAS…pretty good. How was the action? It was pretty good. How were the characters? They were pretty good. How was the story? It was pretty good."

"This is Lunatic121 saying…NO! I'M NOT SAYING IT!"

"You've got to." TL said from off-camera.

"I WON'T! (runs off-screen, glass shatter, and something hits the ground) Didn't know the ground was THAT close…"

_APRIL FOOLS!_

"WHAT?! ARE YOU SAYING THAT I GAVE MY REPUTATION A BEATING AND JUMPED OUT OF A WINDOW OVER AN APRIL FOOLS' DAY JOKE?!"

"Yup." Replied TL.

_With apologies to Nukid._

_Seriously, the beginning of War with the Zodiacs was okay, the middle was awesome, but the final run left a LOT to be desired…__And now, it is time for…_


	19. Chapter 19

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

_Danny Potter and the Power Stone by JusSonic_

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"Abra-ka-SPOILERS!"

"There's this guy called Danny, who lives with a bunch of FAT PEOPLE!"

"I LIVED WITH FAT PEOPLE ONCE!"

"I ended up in Family Guy, somehow…"

"And Danny is getting letters from the chimney, which leads me to presume Santie was involved."

"WHERE WERE YOU ON CHRISTMAS, SANTIE?! ALL I GOT WERE A FEW AUTOMATIC WEAPONS!"

"Honestly, I wanted a tricycle…"

"And then Danny gets a strange visitor, who turns out to be DONKEY KONG! And he's like…"

"Ooh-ooh! You wizard, Danny!"

"And Danny's like…"

"I am?"

"Yes, come with me."

"Okay."

"And so Danny gets sent to Wizard School, where he meets two friends—Jake Long and Atomic Betty!"

"I WAS ATOMIC ONCE!"

"The green dye took WEEKS to wash out…"

"Then Danny finds out that someone's trying to steal a super-powerful, magical item…but has NO idea what it is…"

"And so he goes to the school where odd people are all teachers! Including Ben Kenobi, Shaak Ti, that green-haired girl from Zelda, an obnoxious mushroom-headed guy, and Vlad Masters!"

"I WAS SHOCKED TO SEE DANNY'S ARCH-RIVAL IN A PARODY WITH DANNY PHANTOM!"

"At this point, you can tell I was drunk and/or high…"

"There's also this short, Arabian guy called Abis Maal and he's like…"

"I'm short and creepy, but I'm not up to ANYTHING!"

"And everyone's like…"

"Okay."

"Eventually, they find out that this magical doohickey is called a Power Stone…"

"REAL ORIGINAL NAMING! JUST LIKE WHEN I CALLED GUNS 'THINGS THAT SHOOT PEOPLE'!"

"I then called them 'Furby-lovers'…"

"And so Danny, Jake, and Betty go out and try to find the Power Stone BEFORE either the Arabian or ghost-guy find it. They go through a chess set, a bunch flying keys, and murderous plants!"

"Do ya think these kids were high?"

"Well, it is called Danny POTter, so it makes sense, I suppose."

"But I digress."

"And so Danny is the last man standing and arrives in a room with a mirror and finds the person trying to get the stone is THE ARABIAN GUY!"

"LE GASP!"

"And it turns out that the Arabian was playing them for FOOLS the whole time!"

"I COULDN'T TELL!"

"Seriously."

"So the Arabian guy's like…"

"I've got two faces!"

"And Danny's like…"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Here, I'll show ya…"

"And his other face is DARTH VADER!"

(Deadpool saying "bum" to the tune of Imperial March)

"And Darth Vader's like…"

"(Vader breathing) Give me the stone, Danny, or else I shall have the short guy attack you!"

"And Danny's like…"

"Come and get it!"

"And Vader is all like…"

"(Vader breathing) Okay. Sic, shorty."

"And so they have this fight scene and then the Arabian guy gets stoned!"

"Oh wait, he turns INTO stone."

"Second time I've made that mistake."

"And so Danny wakes up in the hospital and he wakes up to Ben Kenobi!"

"I WOKE UP TO BEN KENOBI ONCE!"

"He was accompanied by George Bush, Batman, and a pink elephant."

"And so Ben Kenobi is like…"

"Don't worry about the stone. We have incinerated it!"

"And Danny is all like…"

"But won't Professor Oak die?"

"And Ben's like…"

"Who cares? He's never mentioned in the story again."

"Okay."

"And they all live happily ever after…"

"OR DO THEY?!"

"To be strangely continued…"

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! C'mon, I'm waking up to Qui-Gonn, Superman, and a purple hippopotamus…I'm fairly concerned at this point."

_With apologies to JusSonic…and Abis Maal._

_Seriously, I was actually pretty impressed with Danny Potter and the Power Stone._


	20. Chapter 20

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"_BWAHAHA! I WANT TO SUCK YOUR SPOILERS!_"

"Boy, that sounds weird…"

"There's this teenage, goff, vampire girl named Ebony who actually sounds like a Valley Girl and she attends Hogwarts and goes out with Draco Malfoy and they're so much in love…"

"Until she realizes Draco's bisexual and constantly tries to tell him to bug-off, but doesn't because they keep making whoopie!"

"I KEPT MAKING WHOOPIE WITH A BISEXUAL ONCE!"

"Wait…no, I didn't."

"I kept making whoopie with a monkey for some reason…"

"But then Malfoy apparently killed himself and so Ebony just goes around having random sex with other guys!"

"THIS is what fanfiction needs!"

"MORE FICS NEED TEENAGE VAMPIRE GIRLS WHO HAVE RANDOM SEX WITH EVERY GUY THEY MEET!"

"Think about how War with the Zodiacs would've turned out if it had a teenage vampire girl who had random sex with every guy she met…"

"Wait. On second thought, don't."

"And so Ebony is attacked by Voldemort, who sounds like Shakespeare, and tells her she has to kill Vampire…"

"Who's actually Harry Potter."

"Never explains why…"

"Or else he shall kill Draco!"

"And Ebony's like…"

"Like, how can you do that? He's like totally dead."

"And Voldemort's like…"

"No, he's NOT like totally dead! He's alive and in MY captivity!"

"And Ebony's like…"

"Bug-off!"

"And Voldemort's like…"

"Fine. Thou art unattractive, anyway!"

"And so Vampire and Ebony go and SAVE Malfoy and take him back to Hogwarts!"

"Where every main character is a Goth, Satanist, vampire, bisexual, or any combination of them. And they ALL like everything Ebony likes!"

"Also, one of Ebony's friends called Willow gets killed, but she comes back to life in a few chapters!"

"I know a few writers would have to explain this, but it takes a REAL genius to bring a character back without explaining it!"

"She also talks about the sex appeal of Gerard Way all the time…"

"And, after the forty-seventh time, I was like…"

"YES, YOU THINK HE'S HOT! I GOT THAT THE FIRST TIME!"

"And so Voldemort attacks the school and the goths PULL OUT THEIR GUNS AND START SHOOTING!"

"How do they know they're not just shooting people who were just takin' a whiz?"

"And they're all like…"

"SAVE US, EBONY! YOU'RE THE HOTTEST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE!"

"And Ebony's like…"

"NO! I just wanna slit my wrists, go to MCR concerts, have sex with every boy I meet, watch movies that aren't goffik but I think are, and be a total Mary Sue!"

"And Voldemort's like…"

"Can thee just hurry this up? I have appointments to keep."

"And Ebony's like…"

"And I have sex sessions with everyone, so what the heck? AVADA KEDAVRA!"

"To be Mary Sueishly continued!"

"So, I really like this fic! Especially the characters!"

"Even though they are two-dimensional, stupid, and completely raped."

"But, that's why this fic's author is so famous."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I need some money to get to Mexico! That monkey's out to get me!"

_With apologies to Tara Gilesbie…wait, scrap that._

_Seriously, My Immortal was "gouge-your-eyes-out-from-sheer-awfulness" bad._


	21. Chapter 21

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Alessa Potter by Sakkee

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"_Simple and Clean is the way that you…SPOILERS!_"

"There's this girl called Alessa and she's the daughter of Harry Potter!"

"I thought Harry already had THREE kids. Why does he need a fourth one?"

"Then again, this is a fanfiction, so I won't criticize."

"And she's emotionally torn because she saw Hermione Granger killed in front of her."

"NO, HERMIONE!"

"And she's going out with a guy from Fruits Basket."

"I WENT OUT WITH A CHARACTER FROM FRUITS BASKET ONCE!"

"Turning into a cat whenever I touched her became irksome…"

"And so, the Dark Lord Voldemort is after Alessa because she has a phoenix inside of her!"

"I HAD A PHOENIX INSIDE OF ME ONCE!"

"She was my ex-lover…"

"Even though she did something to my insides…that's an incident of heart-burn I'd sooner forget…"

"And so Alessa, her boyfriend, and Harry team up with various anime characters! Including Squad Seven!"

"You know, Squad Seven! Including Naruto…"

"BELIEVE IT!"

"Sasuke…"

"Meh."

"Sakura…"

"SASUKE'S HOT!"

"And Kakashi!"

"Boobies."

"So Sasuke is stuck with Orochimaru and fights the good guys!"

"Until he realizes that he's in love with Sakura and became a good guy!"

"I FELL IN LOVE AND BECAME A GOOD GUY ONCE!"

"DarkMagicianmon STILL has issues with me, though…"

"And so Alessa fights Bellatrix and her kid…"

"I THOUGHT BELLATRIX DIDN'T HAVE KIDS!"

"Illegitimate kids, teenage audience. Unprotected sex can have strange results…"

"Like that one time I did it and wound up as a piñata."

"I don't even know how that happened. It was weird…"

"And Alessa defeats Bellatrix and her kids and fights Voldemort!"

"WHO DIES!"

"YES!"

"I WISH MY DARK LORD WOULD DIE!"

"However, I can't find the right ring to chuck into the lava…"

"So, I really LIKED this fanfiction, especially the Utada Hikaru concerts…even though Utada Hikaru has nothing to do with Harry Potter, like the anime guys."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I'm still recovering from when I had that phoenix inside me! Though the heart burn's gone, it's now in my manhood!"

_With apologies to Sakkee…and Harry Potter and Naruto._

_Seriously, though, Alessa Potter had some inconsistencies and spelling errors…but all in all, it was surprisingly good._


	22. Chapter 22

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Author Fighters: OVA Beach Vacation by DW64

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"_I…wanna soak up the SPOILERS!_"

"So, there's this guy called DW64 and he takes the Author Fighters to a hotel for a BEACH VACTION!"

"I WENT TO A HOTEL FOR A BEACH VACATION ONCE!"

"Or twice…"

"Or maybe it was an outhouse in Oklahoma…"

"And so TL has apparently died. Well, not just died. MURDERED!"

"And so inspector Lunatic comes in and he's like…"

"The murderer was one the girls! I've gotta frisk 'em!"

"But it turns out that Lunatic just knocked TL out just to grope the girls."

"Aw. And things were gonna get interesting."

"Then the guys try to scare Erza from Fairy Tail, but only Carl succeeds because he nearly drowned."

"And then they're apparently attacked by a serial killer. And the Authors are like…"

"AAH!"

"The serial killer turns out to be Lunatic, who apparently dressed up to scare 'em! And he's all like…"

"Just kidding! I'm not a serial killer!"

"Hahaha. VERY funny. Try the guys."

"Okay. I'M GONNA MURDER…"

(Deadpool throws a punch)

"Dawkins sucks."

(Falls down)

"LUNATIC!"

"They say he was lost in his mind, but he was truly lost in BEACH VACATION!"

"And then a zombie pops up and Jill Valentine attacks it, but it turns out to be TL, who's still bloodied up."

"Hey, guys, I'm no…"

(SLASH!)

"Twilight's overrated."

(Falls down)

"TLSOULDUDE!"

"Actually, the two weren't killed. Just beaten senseless."

"Then Jiro spots Nukid in the hot springs with Dawn and Dawn's all like…"

"Why're you doing this, Nukid?!"

"And Nukid's like…"

"Because I love you, Faye!"

"Faye?! I'm DAWN!"

"Oh. Sorry. Was fantasizing about Cowboy Bebop."

"And Jiro walks in and he's like…"

"DIE!"

"And Nukid's like…"

"Fu…"

"Sorry, I'm not required to say that. This fic IS K+, after all…"

"And then they go into a GIGANTO FOOD FIGHT!"

"It was an intense war and no one was left alive!"

"Except for everyone."

"Then DW gets drunk and Nukid asks him about how he made-out with Tifa in Burst Soldier…WHICH WAS ALSO THE GREATEST FIC EVER!"

"And then sex joke, sex joke, and, uh…sex joke."

"…Weird."

"And so the Authors then leave the hotel."

"HOORAY!"

"So, as you can tell, I really LIKED this fic. It's fic that can be read by the WHOLE family. Except little children. It might scar them for life."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I NEED A VACATION, TOO…in the Negative Zone."

_With apologies to DW64._

_Seriously, though, I may have feigned anger at most of Author Fighters: OVA Beach Vacation, but I found it to be VERY funny._


	23. Chapter 23

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Son of a Mercenary by Mr. Alaska

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"RASEN-SPOILERS!"

"There's this kid called Naruto who's an orphan, but gets raised by DEADPOOL! Also known as ME!"

"I DIDN'T KNOW I COULD BE IN TWO PLACES AT ONCE!"

"Oh, hi me."

"Hi!"

"How am I doing?"

"Oh, can't complain."

"So, I adopt Naruto and train him how to be a JERK MERCENARY!"

"And then, I train Squad 8, which is composed of Naruto, Hinata, and Shikamaru and we go ALL THROUGH the original Naruto storyline! We then fight Zabuza also known as DEMON OF THE MIST!"

"And so, someone's tried to kill Naruto and he sends in all sorts o' guys! WOLVERINE! SABERTOOTH! OMEGA RED! LADY DEATHSTRIKE! AND GAARA!"

"However, Wolverine's being mind-controlled and Omega Red joins our side in order to get out of jail time."

"And, after we fight Zabuza, I start going out with KURENAI!"

"And we ACTUALLY start going out and become boyfriend/girlfriend!"

"C'mon, Alaska! That's not everything!"

"In the comics, I don't have a girlfriend and get by just fine!"

"Please kill me…"

"And so the BIG-BAD Sound Ninjas come in, armed with AK-47's and ATTACK THE LEAF VILLAGE!"

"I ATTACKED THE LEAF VILLAGE ONCE!"

"Hey, my Twinkies were still there and they wouldn't give 'em back! What else was I supposed to do?"

"And so we fight them off with the help of Peter Parker and Johnny Blaze…also known as SPIDER-MAN AND GHOST RIDER!"

"Then Naruto and Hinata fall so much in love…along with Shikamaru and Temari and Kiba and Ino."

"No wonder TL read this…"

"And so we go off looking for Tsunade also known as THE SLUG MISTRESS!"

"And all for different reasons."

"Naruto because he wanted to."

"Shikamaru because we forced him."

"Kurenai because I was going."

"Kiba because he wanted her to heal Ino's legs."

"And me because a hospitalized Third Hokage ordered me to."

"And so we get her into Konoha by tranquilizing her and Shizune stabs me in the gut with a kunai!"

"I WAS STABBED BY A KUNAI ONCE!"

"Wait…I just explained it."

"And then the BIG-BAD OROCHIMARU POPS UP and he's all like…"

"I kidnapped Sasuke and I'm turning him into what you were!"

"And everyone's like…"

"What's your plan now?"

"And he's like…"

"Get some of Deadpool's blood to make the little emo INVINCIBLE!"

"Wait!"

"Too late! HA-HA!"

"And so we go back to Konoha where the BIG-BAD VAMPIRES SHOW UP! Along with Frank Castle, also known as BLADE!"

"Wow, so many people who want to kill me keep popping up."

"And so we take out the NON-gay/Twilight-esque vampires and then the BIG-BAD GUYS SHOW UP!"

"And then Sasuke shows up and he looks just like me from the X-Men movie!"

"ANYONE mentioning it in reviews shall be gunned down in bed."

"And so we enter a BIG-BAD FIGHT SCENE! And Naruto goes into KYUUBI MODE!"

"And BEATS SASUKE OUT OF THE VILLAGE! But he knows he'll come back stronger and Naruto goes off to train with Jiraiya also known as the TOAD SAGE!"

"And then they leave with a loud applause and teary good-byes."

"THE END!"

"So, I really liked this fic, even though Marvel characters appear left and right to be included in crack pairings, but it's easily overlooked."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I need some money for taxes or else the BIG-BAD BANKS will foreclose my apartment!"

_With apologies to Mr. Alaska._

_Seriously, though, Son of a Mercenary was freakin' GENIUS!_


	24. Chapter 24

And now, it is time for…

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Brother Dragon by slpytlak

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"_Great Spirits of all who lived before, take our hands and…SPOILERS!_"

"There's this teen called Jake Long who really wants to be a man."

"I WANTED TO BE A MAN ONCE!"

"And I became one…in body only."

"And so he's working with his brothers Raimundo and Ash to try and get ready for his ceremony. He gets the symbol of love, which is a dragon!"

"But he's not very happy about it…"

"And he finds that a dragon STOLE ALL THEIR FISH!"

"I STOLE ALL OF THE FISH ONCE!"

"Red Lobster is still after my head…"

"And so he goes after the basket, but meets up with MALEFICENT! She fights Jake, but Raimundo and Ash intervene! During the fight, Raimundo shatters the mountain and Jake loses his brother!"

"I LOST MY BROTHER ONCE!"

"Deathstroke, PLEASE return my calls."

"And so Jake goes off to kill the dragon with Ash about a mile behind him. Jake kills the dragon, but the spirits don't like it and turn HIM into a dragon in a series of bright, flashy lights!"

"JUST LIKE ONE OF MY WEED-INDUCED FANTASIES!"

"And Ash arrives to see Jake in his dragon body, and he's all like…"

"I saw a bunch of flashy lights and no sign of my brother's left…DIE, DRAGON!"

"And so he knocks Jake off the cliff and sees he's still alive and GIVES CHASE!"

"Jake then comes to and finds Spyro the dragon and he's all like…"

"I saved you from a trap and you're gonna take me to a salmon run!"

"And Jake's like…"

"Bug off."

"And Spyro's like…"

"I can show ya to where the lights touch the earth."

"Which way do I turn?"

"See, apparently the lights that touch the earth can turn Jake back into a human."

"Gotta love Disney movie loopholes."

"And so they go along on a journey with Ash dogging their footsteps until they FINALLY get to the salmon run!"

"Then, Jake finds out that Maleficent was actually Spyro's mother and tells Spyro, who takes it well."

"By running off."

"JUST LIKE MY RESPONSE, ONLY WITHOUT FRAG GRENADES!"

"And so Jake goes off to the mountain, but Ash finds him there and tries to KILL HIM!"

"Ah, such a strong bond between brothers."

"Then Ash looks like he's about to kill Spyro, but then Jake runs over to the dragon and there's this HUGE flash of lights!"

"STILL sounds like one of my weed-induced fantasies."

"So Raimundo's spirit comes back and returns Jake into a human…who's NAKED."

"I could make a joke out of that in SO many ways…"

"And then Jake is like…"

"I killed Spyro's mother and now I'm going to be a dragon forever."

"Don't we ALL feel like dragons on the inside?"

"I know I do…"

"So, what's the moral of this story? DEAL WITH IT."

"Your brother gets killed in an avalanche? DEAL WITH IT."

"Spirits turn you into a dragon? DEAL WITH IT."

"Your landlady keeps evicting you because you try to sneak peeks of her in the shower? DEAL WITH IT."

"Oh, and also stay in school."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I need more money for the payphones! Deathstroke won't ever call me!"

_With apologies to Shelby._

_Seriously, though, Brother Dragon was pretty good._


	25. Chapter 25

_And now, it is time for…_

_Nut Reviews._

_With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool._

_Tonight's review:_

Ancient Soldiers by ShadowDJ

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"Beware, there will be no SPOILERS!"

"There's this kid named Dan who's a delinquent and works at his father, Naruto's toy store. But, when Naruto leaves, he makes a deal with Max Tennyson to give him some soldier toys to sell and CASH-IN."

"I BOUGHT SOLDIER TOYS TO CASH-IN ONCE!"

"I can never go back to the G-I Joe section of any store…"

"So, it turns out that the soldiers toys are the Brotherhood from X-Men and the Legendary Warriors from Digimon Frontier."

"Why are the Brotherhood and Legendary Warriors fight each…"

"WHO CARES? IT'S GOOD DRAMA!"

"So, it turns out that the toys have a special chip in them that makes them alive. And they're all like…"

"We're alive! We could do ANYTHING like solve world hunger, bring world peace, or BEAT THE LIVING MAN-CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER!"

"Hm…yeah, let's do that."

(Deadpool begins fighting with himself)

"But the Brotherhood dismantles that mirror guy who talks like Shakespeare and Dan finds Agunimon and Lobomon, who…for some reason has a bigger role than Agunimon…"

"How come Lobomon's second-in-command, but does more than Agunimon, the leader?"

"WHO CARES? LOBOMON'S AWESOME…and Agunimon gets a bigger role later on…helped by me. Which was weird."

"So, it turns out that the Legendary Warriors aren't dead and hiding inside a dumpster. They go there and find ALL the Warriors!"

"The Care Bear who looks like he's from Call of Duty…"

"The blue beetle who reminds me of a DC character…"

"That REALLY hot, butterfly girl…"

"The black, lion guy who sounds too dramatic…"

"The hobgoblin with a giant hammer…"

"The tough wood guy voiced by Kenshin…"

"The mirror-obsessed Shakespeare guy…"

"And the annoying water floozy."

"So Dan gets all these toys into his house while the Brotherhood breaks into his crush's house and use the tech to form SUPER-WEAPONS!"

"WHO DESIGNED THESE TOYS? THE IRISH REPUBLICAN ARMY?"

"So they go up and turn Dan's crush's dolls into military women…"

"I'm high. I'm high. I'm high. I'm high."

"And so Dan makes a diversion as he goes in and saves his crush from the EVIL Brotherhood and dolls and they go over a small ridge as the Brotherhood goes KABOOM!"

"How can a small crash make battle vehicles go kaboom?"

"WHO CARES? IT…IS…AWESOME!"

"And I was like, HOORAY! A HAPPY ENDING! But the fic was like…"

"Nope, we still have a few chapters left."

"OH NO!"

"So Magneto swipes a truck with Brotherhood action figures and they lay siege to Dan's house!"

"I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MO-(censored) TOYS IN THIS MO-(censored) NEIGHBORHOOD!"

"And so they have this THRILLING action scene while trying to get an EMP going. The Legendary Warriors then say…"

"SCRAP HIDING! TIME TO KICK BROTHERHOOD TUSHIE!"

"And Dan gets on a power-line and Magneto and Agunimon confront each other! AND THEY'RE ALL LIKE…"

(Deadpool throws a punch. He then pretends to be falling.)

"Wow, what a waste."

"And Dan's all like…"

"COME HERE, YOU!"

(Deadpool grabs something and shoves it between two nonexistent objects)

"KABOOM!"

"Alright, the IRA DID make this fanfiction. WHY ELSE WOULD THERE BE SO MANY EXPLOSIONS?"

"Then Dan finds the Legendary Warriors under a satellite and that prevented their chips from getting fried. And so Dan sets the Legendary Warriors on a ship and sends them off to File Island. And he's all like…"

"What if you can't find File Island?"

"And the Warriors are like…"

"Just because you can't see anything doesn't mean it isn't there."

"A lesson we all must learn. Otherwise, we may be in constant denial about the existence of…CHEESY PUFFS!"

"THE END!"

"As you can tell, I really liked this fic. ESPECIALLY THE EXPLOSIONS! IT'S JUST LIKE A MICHAEL BAY MOVIE, ONLY YOU STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!"

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! C'mon, I won't start an action figure war! I won't even have them use gas bombs! They'll just have nail bombs!"

With apologies to ShadowDJ…

_Seriously, though, Ancient Soldiers was okay._


	26. Chapter 26

_And now it's time for…_

_Nut Reviews_

_With Wade Wilson aka; Deadpool_

_Tonight's Review:_

_Neo Organization XIII by Ranger24_

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"Behold…Kingdom SPOILERS!"

Deadpool held in a laugh. "This fic is SO FUNNY! It's like the funniest fic I've ever READ."

"So, there's this guy named Xemnas, who was the leader of Organization XIII but got KILLED by Sora and Riku. And yet Ranger brought him back with NO explanation! HILARIOUS!"

"So, instead of seeking revenge on his murderers, Xemnas…" Deadpool stifled a laugh, "He decides to REBUILD the destroyed Organization! HAHAHAHA! To think a guy who'd just got beaten wants to rebuild rather than seek vengeance!"

"And get this…THIS is a Kingdom Hearts fic, but there's almost NO Kingdom Hearts characters OR Disney elements! AHAHAHAHA!"

"And so, Xemnas, goes off and recruits guys from Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, Red vs. Blue, Devil May Cry, Hellsing, Death Note, and South Park!"

"SOUTH PARK! As if Kingdom Hearts would ever have a world based off THAT!"

"And so, Xemnas, he-(snicker) He-(snicker) He turns the whole thing into a SCI-FI BATTLE! (bursts out laughing). And those Sasuke and Nero guys are SO FUNNY because they won't stop complaining about everything!"

"Ranger complains about everything, but everyone wants to SHOOT him for it!"

"I shot Ranger ONCE!"

"He cut my balls off…"

"And all these characters are so funny because they act and talk NOTHING like their original selves, bend to Xemnas' will like a cheap spoon, and-(snigger) FLY SPACESHIPS!"

After a nice, hard laugh, Deadpool stopped. "THIS IS THE FUNNIEST FIC EVER! SIXTY STARS! IT'S…"

The cameraman whispered, sharply, to the merc. "Deadpool!"

"Huh-wha?" Deadpool asked in surprise.

(inaudible whispering)

"The camera guy is telling me that Neo Organization XIII is NOT a comedy. It is in fact, a multi-chapter epic…I am most confoosled."

"Really? This was supposed to be taken seriously?" Deadpool said, scratching his head, "O-kay, this is the greatest EPIC ever!"

"I can understand why people call this such an original fic. It has members of Org. XIII surviving and NO ONE'S ever done that before!"

"Except for Dezblade, Darthkingdom, and just about every yaoi fangirl."

"And it has ANIME elements in it and NO fic has that!"

"Except 'Trials of the Keyblade', 'Eighth Princess', and anything by Mrfipp."

"And it has lots of over-the-top action…which just about every good KH fic has had."

"And it's a sequel to Kingdom Hearts II and…LORD KNOWS how many times we've seen THAT!"

"How come people call this fic 'original'? Everything's borrowed from something else! This is most confoosling…"

"Oh, wait! I KNOW! They call it original because there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING original about it! THAT'S INSPIRED!"

"I SHOULD WRITE A FANFICTION! I HAVE AN IDEA THAT'S EVEN MORE ORIGINAL!"

"It's called 'Sonic the Hedgehog and Indiana Jones fight Godzilla at Helm's Deep'. I'll be called a fanfiction MAVERICK! And you guys just thought I was just some jerk mercenary with NO originality. All I need now is a huge tub of pretentiousness."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I need money for the SEQUEL! 'Sonic the Hedgehog and Indiana Jones fight King Kong and stop the Grinch from stealing Christmas'!"

_With apologies to Ranger24…_

_Seriously, though, Neo Organization XIII LOOKED good, but LORD was it STUPID!_


	27. Chapter 27

_And now it's time for Nut Reviews..._

_With Wade Wilson (a.k.a. Deadpool)_

_Today's review..._

_Naruto's Kit by brown phantom_

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool exclaimed as he burst in.

"Give it up, 'cuz now I'm SPOILERS!"

"There's this kid named Naruto and he's A NINJA...WHO WANTS PEACE!"

"Seriously, what's up with that? Why would NINJAS want peace? The higher the body count is, the happier I am!"

"Another question is why I keep reading Naruto fics. I blame Mr. Alaska for it."

"So, Naruto and the dog guy, the bug guy, and the shy girl go after this sword guy and he slashes open Naruto's belly and then a little girl comes out of it!"

"I HAD A GIRL COME OUT OF ME ONCE!" Deadpool exclaimed. He simply stared for a few seconds.

"So, this girl comes out of his stomach and she's all like..."

"Woof."

"And then that dog guy is like..."

"Hey, she's actin' like a fox! That's weird!"

"And then Naruto's like..."

"I think THIS is the Kyuubi, who was released when the seal was damaged!"

"And I'm like..."

"Wow, that's a pretty large leap in logic."

"And so Naruto takes the girl back to Konoha and adopts her and names her Akane! He then takes Hinata to the Land of Waves, where he asks her to marry him..."

"Oh and they get attacked by that black-haired guy who left Konoha. I almost forgot."

"And so Akane helps fight him off, but then finds out that there are OTHER demon foxes! And the foxes are like..."

"You're our boss, you gotta come back with us!"

"And Akane's like..."

"Screw you! I'm rippin' off tails!"

(YANK!)

(SNAP!)

"YEOWCH!"

"And so Akane goes back to Konoha, where she starts causing all kind of sweet and innocent mayhem, but then gets ABDUCTED by the foxes!"

"Boy, these guys just can't take a hint, can they? I mean she already said 'no'...maybe they're those people who don't take 'no' for an answer!"

"Y'know, like Chris Chan!"

(rimshot)

"And so the foxes perform a special ceremony that'll bring Kyuubi back, but it doesn't work and just lets Akane talk to Kyuubi...who's a REALLY hot lady?"

"Really? Kyuubi's a girl? I would've figured that the fox would've been a guy because...Paul St. Peter!"

"And Akane's like..."

"Who're you?"

"And Kyuubi's like..."

"I'm YOU."

"Wait, you're ME?"

"Well, technically. I just died and got reborn as you."

"But how can you do THAT?"

"I'm a demon fox woman. Do NOT question what I can and can't do!"

"But, seriously, how do you get reborn? I mean, Mr. Kishmoto brought people back, but that was a kinda cheap deus ex machina. You have to properly explain things and..."

(growl)

"I'm shutting up now."

"And so Akane returns and goes on a killer rampage on all the foxes...and SHE'S one of the heroes, remember that now."

"But while she was gone, Madara attacked the Village and lures Naruto to the Valley of the End, where he fights Sasuke again! And Sasuke's like..."

"Come and get me, loser!"

"And Naruto's like..."

"Okay."

"AND HE RIPS SASUKE'S ARMS OFF...I am NOT even kidding."

"But then Naruto explains that Sasuke's desire for vengeance is hollow and that the dead can do no more for the living, even if they ARE avenged. The better way to live is to fight for the living."

"Actually, that's a decent moral."

"But then Madara comes in and fights Naruto! He then...spontaneously gathers all the kages as they continue to duke it out when Naruto realizes Madara's ONE weakness..."

"KRYPTONITE!"

"Wait, SILVER!"

"Wait, LOVE!"

"Oh, it's Biiju chakra."

"And then Akane comes riding in at the last second to save the day by RIPPING OFF Madara's head!"

"Insert Mortal Kombat joke here."

"So they burn Madara's corpse and they return home, where Sasuke faces trial. Tsunade is like..."

"How do you plead?"

"And Sasuke's like..."

"Not guilty, losers!"

"And the jury is like..."

"Guilty."

"And Sasuke's like..."

"You can't kill me! My sharingan is too valuable!"

"And Tsunade's like..."

"Who cares?"

(BANG!)

(Bell toll)

"And so Naruto and Hinata gets part of the Uchiha compound...which seems kinda disturbing and Akane enters the Academy after the wedding!"

"THE END!"

"So as you can tell, I REALLY like this story...even though it seems kinda sociopathic at times, but we NEED more fanfics that promote death and destruction."

"Who needs love and peace when you can WATCH CRAP BLOW UP!"

"This is Wade Wilson sayin' TIPS! C'MON, GIMME TIPS! OH, COME ON, I'LL USE IT TO KILL SASUKE! HALF THE NARUTARDS WANT ME TO...AND NOT JUST BECAUSE THEY BEAT THE TWITARDS!"

(static)

Hey, guys, it's me, TLSoulDude. I know it's been FOREVER since I made the last Nut Review. I just haven't read that many completed fics that I thought deserved it. But I'm back and will give my honest review of the fanfic after Deadpool's done the more comedic bit.

So, _Naruto's Kit_...I thought it was okay. It had some pretty good parts, but ultimately, it falls into one of my all-time fanfiction peeves—it basically turns into a hatefic. Also, I've just realized that I read a LOT of Naruto fics...I'm trying to fix that.

One of the good parts is Akane Uzumaki. She is just a TON of fun to read about. Whenever she appears, you can guarantee that it's gonna include a lot of joking, a lot of trouble-making, or a lot of mocking the other residents of Hidden Leaf. She's the main reason I kept reading the fanfiction—I just wanted to see more of her scenes. Whenever the focus shifted, I basically thought "Yeah, that's nice. Just get back to Akane now." The action scenes are also pretty creative and this does kind of feel like something from Naruto—the combat's creative, the way that Kyuubi became Akane was actually a pretty good reason: the author calls it phoenixification, where a demon regenerates its chakra into a new form when it dies, and I have to admit that Madara being vulnerable to Bijuu chakra is pretty clever.

Now, onto the bad parts—it does seem to enjoy bashing some characters. In particular, Kakashi and Sasuke. I never understood Kakashi bashing, but I see it EVERYWHERE. I saw it in Mr. Alaska fanfics, where people bash Kakashi because...he taught Sasuke a technique? Every time I see that, I keep shouting "Lay off him!" Why? Because...Kakashi's my favorite Naruto character.

Another thing, this fanfic ABSOLUTELY hates Sasuke. I don't care for him as a character, but I still try to keep him in character. In this, he's basically convinced he's more awesome than everyone to where his arrogance is basically the same in the series, but amplified to the Nth degree. I also feel that his execution was poorly done. When Naruto beat him, he made this powerful and meaningful speech about how avenging the dead is pointless and never gets you anywhere and I thought that would be the point where he would change sides. But no, he gets executed and the trial, I feel, was just the author ranting about him. I skipped over that chapter because I was thinking, "DUDE, that's goin' too far!" And Naruto and Hinata being given part of the Uchiha compound, for me, just adds to the cruelty. THE GUY JUST DIED, MAN!

Oh and I thought that Kyuubi being female kinda stretches my suspension of disbelief. This may be because I only watch dubs, but I associate him having that deep, gravelly, obviously masculine voice. How can anyone associate that with being feminine? I've read THREE fics now where Kyuubi's female and I've had a hard time buying it all three times. Sorry, I just can't.

Now, this fic has a sequel. I might read it, but I might not.

_Naruto's Kit_ was hit-and-miss. It was good during the beginning and middle, but near the end, I just felt that the author was going overboard on the hate. If you can muscle past that, good, more power to ya. If you can't, well I feel your pain.

Well, this is TLSoulDude. Here's hoping I find more fanfics to review. I DO take suggestions. So, take care!


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